New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
