if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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