Where did you get a picture of my penis
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
