I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
