so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
