I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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