i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize