Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
