We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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