I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
