Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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