So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
