if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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