Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
