Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
