Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
