I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
