I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
