I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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