jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
