someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
