She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
