Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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