dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
