I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
