We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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