You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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