She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
