I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
