butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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