Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
