Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize