i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
