I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
