ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
