You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
