he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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