im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
ttyl tear gas
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize