Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
