White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
