You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize