The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
