I love black thongs
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
