So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
