how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
