Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
