i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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