just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
