My liver just broke up with me...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
