What a fucking waste of an outfit
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
