You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
