The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you would pick up someone in the library
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
