I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
