It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
