So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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