Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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