Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
