He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
