Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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