Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize