I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
