I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
