i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dignity is for republicans.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
