drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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