yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
