So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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