you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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