ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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