If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
