This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize