Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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