so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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