I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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