I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
