Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
did i just pee glitter
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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